Run Down

I've thought much less about being positive this week, which I think is a healthy sign. Had sex with one guy this week who was positive which was so different to the experience the week before, not just in terms of different men having different bodies and different personalities, but in terms of the anxiety just not being present. Perhaps I should still be anxious about re-infection, but the evidence doesn't seem to be there for any indication that having different strains of HIV makes any difference to your prognosis. Nevertheless, until this year, they didn't think fucking someone without a condom was high risk and look at where I am now as a result of that ignorance.

In any case, I don't think that by any measure the psychological impact of reinfection would be anything like infection in the first place. I know that it's starting to sound like serosorting, but I'm not going to analyse it to that point if I can avoid it. It's just as likely that I was more relaxed this week because I'd processed all the guilt and shame that went with the guy's concerns the week before. I'm pretty sure it's largely that, because the guy who I said had freaked out has been sending me friendly texts and stuff and not mentioning it again, so it probably was more of an issue for me rather than him.

You know how they say in safe sex stuff about how people tend to assume people have the same HIV status as themselves? I'm kind of worried I'm starting to do that. Whenever a friend says they have a cold or anything, I assume it's because they're positive. This is something I'd really like to nip in the bud, and it's probably another projection of my own anxieties about my status onto other people.