I guess this weekend has been a very effective lesson in trust and insight. It's not possible to survive diagnosis, breaking from a long-term relationship and moving to live alone as well as "being there" for a lot of people around me without there being some kind of kick-back sooner or later. I guess this weekend's been that lesson. Don't trust people you don't know, and, to be honest, don't trust people you do know, when it comes to your health. Well-meaning friends who have bad advice for when you're too anxious to sleep may do more harm than good and, in the end, what's needed is a bit more honesty about the situation I've been in for the last few months.
As a result, talking to my family has begun, which is daunting and I've asked for a psychology referral at the clinic to start dealing with the issues I've had around fear and guilt to do with the diagnosis. It's a hard step to take, as is talking to my family about it, but I know they're both taking me in the right direction, which is away from the sense of shame that this virus fills you with.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
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