+/-

I'm having a quiet day at home today so I thought it might be a good chance to keep this blog active and just put forward some reflection on the last few months. As I said before, I think I've pretty much got used to being infected now and what it implies, that it shouldn't be a threat to my health or my life any time soon. The challenges now are living with it and not forgetting that it remains something I am loathe to transmit to another person and particularly not someone I'm falling for.

I think I've learned a few things about relationships, too. Serodiscordance meant that I rushed in very quickly because we had to have serious talks about whether or not he was prepared to take the risk, he has been to the clinic with me to talk to health advisors, I've been terrified that I could have infected him, I've been terrified he might just change his mind about being with someone positive and just walk out or leave me for someone where sex is less... well, less laden with the thrill and fear of proximity to danger.

Remaining serodiscordant has to remain an important consideration in the relationship, which requires trust and consideration of the honest needs and desires we both have. Condom use is an irksome necessity, but we're trying to minimise discomfort for both of us by using latex-free, although the ones we've tried so far fit him but not me. It was so good to see the difference he felt using something much thinner; he said the difference in sensation was incredible, so he's a convert, but it makes me frustrated I'm not enjoying the same thing. Finding large latex-free condoms has taken me most of the day, and it's going to be an expensive luxury, but necessary if he and I are both going to be comfortable during sex.

The other thing that I've learned, is that I think I find being monogamous much nicer.